I love you both

It has been 3 years or so since i haven't write in this blog. Alhamdulillah i have been married for almost 2 years now, with the man that i respect and i love. Ever since that we had been trying to have baby. A year passed by and again alhamdulillah Allah had answered my prayers. I was pregnant at some time in October 2014 ☺️ We were so happy with this joyous moments of our life. I was very happy and excited for i had been dreaming to have child of my own.

otw to 1st appointment at Clinic Bunut =)

 I ate so much and yet i never knew why.. some women gained during pregnancy but me, i lost 15kgs! hehe 

see.. i really do want twins. googled and found this do'a and selalu amalkan.. alhamdulillah Allah answered my prayers =)

But those moments were only temporary, my loves. For Allah loves you both more than I do. Yes, i was pregnant with twins. I was beyond happy. No words can described how much happy i was. I only knew im carrying twins when I started to bleed on Friday the 5th of December 2015 at 8 pm. Your walid and ummi were back from grocery shopping. Little did I know, I started to feel stomach ache. A stomach cramp to be exact. Like the one Ummi had when i'm having a period. My heart raced fast. I do not want to think what i was supposed to be thinking. So I called your walid and told that i was bleeding. He stopped for a moment. I know what he was thinking too. The look on his face really ached my heart. So we rushed to RIPAS and I was transferred to ward 14. When the Doctor was ultrasounding me from below, she asked "sorry btanya ah.. Family kita ada waris kambar kah?" And I said yes, my brothers are twins. "I think you might be having twins" Ya Allah alhamdulillah my heart was dancing with joy and happiness! Double happiness!! The Dr said I was having a Threatened Miscarriage. Which means my babies could survive or the other. I was so in pain. The bleeding wouldn't just stop. I had to change pads cause the blood flew heavily.

On Dec 6th 2015 at 9 am, I lost my babies. 😢 I was devastated and in pain. Crying every night remembering how could I lost my babies. Luckily Allah was there. I know there must be a reason a good reason for it happened to me. I have faith in His doings. I did some research and I found my answers. I was so much in relieve knowing that those two angels were taken to their Creator and waiting for me at the heaven's door.

 my last day spending time with you two.. Walid was a bit annoyed tho psl Ummi kn bselfie saja =D

went to Belluno coz the twins was craving for waffle! 

tadaaaaa!! yummy in my tummyy

 singgah mothercare.. liat2 barang and harga baby cot huhuhu

then i lost you two.. ='(

i know that your walid is holding his sadness infront of me.. i love you sayang..

 must be strong..sometimes a smile can put away those sadness =))

burying you two was the hardest thing we did my loves.. rest well.. 

Alhamdulillah. Allahu Akbar. Syukran Ya Allah for doing this to me and my husband. Thank you for those memorable 2.5 months of happiness you gave us both. I could not thank You enough for You had answered our prayers.

And for that, Ummi loves you both so much my angels. Just wait for me in heaven..